A friend has a song which says, "I cannot complain... still sometimes I just like to complain." How amazingly appropriate this sentiment is sometimes and I feel in that place right now.
Things about which I want to complain:
1 - Now I don't have a job I've been sleeping on average 11 hours per day. I could do so many other things with that time!
2 - I've felt fat consistently for the past few weeks - What is the deal, people? I am NOT fat! When I get like this it makes me quite irritable (anyone else want to jump on the complaining bandwagon?)!
3 - Evan has been studying so much I feel like we are connecting very sporadically.
4 - Believe it or not, I don't think I can come up with a #4...
Things about which I should be (and am) thankful:
1 - We are in the process of buying an amazing house, in a fantastic city, moving to a warmer place... I'm thrilled to be going to Charlottesville and hopeful about all that lies ahead.
2 - We just got a huge blessing in a $500 fridge (it's a great story).
3 - There are many many people in my life who love and celebrate me and who I love and celebrate - friendship, community, is such a gift.
4 - Evan has been doing so WELL in school and the last few days he has really buckled down and even completed a paper 5 days early! I know, it's amazing.
5 - We are having "good-bye dinners" with so many people who we've grown to cherish in such a short time.
6 - I am beginning a Master's in Mental Health Counseling - something which I've been looking forward to for some time now, and combined with the move I hope, marks a new season. I am VERY ready for a new season.
7 - We have the cutest bunny EVER and he makes me smile, laugh, relax, and take time to slow down.
8 - I've been watching The Best of "Friends" Episodes, and as usual, laughing my head off - they crack me up.
9 - I was laid off at the "perfect" time and God continues to provide truly extravagantly for our every need.
10 - I can drink as many cups of tea as I want!
11 - We've been closer to my parents over the last year and a half and been able to see them many times. They have blessed us in innumerable ways.
12 - I'm realizing how many more things I have and am thankful for than things I have to complain about.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
4 months later...
I'm telling myself, "i told you so" repeatedly as I had to think hard to remember what my blog is even called. yes, it's true, i haven't posted in almost 4 months nor have I even looked at my own blog. Those 4 months since I last posted have brought so much, way too much, and
1 - now we're moving (again, for the 6th time in less than 5 years of marriage) to Charlottesville,
2 - house hunting (is this even a good idea?),
3 - trying to figure out like everyone else what the heck is going on with the economy and why we ever thought debt was a good idea (doesn't the good book say something about this?)
4 - trying to hold down a high-stress job in downtown Boston full-time, with a full-time commute, cold weather approaching, etc. where they made an unprecedented decision and laid off some people in the last week...
5 - applying for Master's degree programs in Mental Health which is really exciting and hopeful and scary
6 - job-hunting for Charlottesville jobs and applying here and there
7 - trying to eat healthily
8 - completing some regular yoga poses to release the stress, relax and once-in-a-while BREATH
9 - hanging on, in the midst of the storm to some semblance of who I am, who God is calling me to be, to my marriage
10 - supporting Evan through 5 master's level classes (really, this was NOT a good idea) when he spends his days, his studies in ways I don't understand,
11 - did I mention the whole house hunting and the fact that in the next 6-8 weeks we're taking two trips (driving) down to Charlottesville and back...
Wow, I guess when I write it all down, it's no surprise I haven't updated my blog, haven't been regular (despite an insane amount of fiber in my diet), feel stressed, am not sleeping well, and all the old symptoms (which I'm pumping chemicals into my body to "fix") are returning.
Anyway, I hope you find yourself in a better state than I and reading this email doesn't make you tense and nerbus (spelling intentional).
At church (which is worth several blog posts in and of itself) we've been praying an old Celtic prayer for a number of weeks...
Each line begins "Come I this day..." and it helps to get me in the posture to remember that I am coming to Jesus, to the Spirit, to the Father and that the only way I can come, is the way I am. I can't make myself be anything else, be in a different place, be more holy, be more clean, or more energetic, or more joyful, or more healthy, or anything really. I can only come (as the weary and heavy laden).... What a beautiful, often repeated in Scripture word, "Come."
1 - now we're moving (again, for the 6th time in less than 5 years of marriage) to Charlottesville,
2 - house hunting (is this even a good idea?),
3 - trying to figure out like everyone else what the heck is going on with the economy and why we ever thought debt was a good idea (doesn't the good book say something about this?)
4 - trying to hold down a high-stress job in downtown Boston full-time, with a full-time commute, cold weather approaching, etc. where they made an unprecedented decision and laid off some people in the last week...
5 - applying for Master's degree programs in Mental Health which is really exciting and hopeful and scary
6 - job-hunting for Charlottesville jobs and applying here and there
7 - trying to eat healthily
8 - completing some regular yoga poses to release the stress, relax and once-in-a-while BREATH
9 - hanging on, in the midst of the storm to some semblance of who I am, who God is calling me to be, to my marriage
10 - supporting Evan through 5 master's level classes (really, this was NOT a good idea) when he spends his days, his studies in ways I don't understand,
11 - did I mention the whole house hunting and the fact that in the next 6-8 weeks we're taking two trips (driving) down to Charlottesville and back...
Wow, I guess when I write it all down, it's no surprise I haven't updated my blog, haven't been regular (despite an insane amount of fiber in my diet), feel stressed, am not sleeping well, and all the old symptoms (which I'm pumping chemicals into my body to "fix") are returning.
Anyway, I hope you find yourself in a better state than I and reading this email doesn't make you tense and nerbus (spelling intentional).
At church (which is worth several blog posts in and of itself) we've been praying an old Celtic prayer for a number of weeks...
Each line begins "Come I this day..." and it helps to get me in the posture to remember that I am coming to Jesus, to the Spirit, to the Father and that the only way I can come, is the way I am. I can't make myself be anything else, be in a different place, be more holy, be more clean, or more energetic, or more joyful, or more healthy, or anything really. I can only come (as the weary and heavy laden).... What a beautiful, often repeated in Scripture word, "Come."
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Being Happy Without Being Perfect
The other day, Evan and I walked to the library in the evening. The Salem Public Library is about a mile or so away from our house and at least part of the walk is pretty.
Once we arrived at the library, we perused the round tables which greet you at the door with all of the most interesting "must-reads." Evan found some books on green remodeling and the like, while I found a few different books of interest. However, upon seeing this book, I picked it up, and I didn't even have to flip through it to know I'd be leaving the library with it. It was called, Be Happy Without Being Perfect. I'm sure if you're reading my blog you know this kind of thing is a constant struggle for me. Not that I'm a perfectionist in every realm of life, because I'm not. In fact, reading this book has reminded me of this fact. However, when it comes to my body, my internal workings, and work, I am definitely pretty perfectionistic.
Evan asked me last night how I have been enjoying the book and I told him it's a 99 out of 100. It has been amazing to read, and I can think of many women friends (it's entirely about and for women) who would enjoy it too. Although I'd love to hear the "Christ-perspective" offered in the book, it's a book offering a lot of grace and messiness to those of us who shun mess, aka "life." I could go on and on about how appropriate and helpful it's already been. Needless to say, if you're a woman, get it from the library (or buy it) and read it. I'm sure if you're not a perfectionist in at least one of the areas she discusses, you know many women who are. If you're a man, read it, because it will help you to understand women, particularly those in our society, much better. Enjoy!
Once we arrived at the library, we perused the round tables which greet you at the door with all of the most interesting "must-reads." Evan found some books on green remodeling and the like, while I found a few different books of interest. However, upon seeing this book, I picked it up, and I didn't even have to flip through it to know I'd be leaving the library with it. It was called, Be Happy Without Being Perfect. I'm sure if you're reading my blog you know this kind of thing is a constant struggle for me. Not that I'm a perfectionist in every realm of life, because I'm not. In fact, reading this book has reminded me of this fact. However, when it comes to my body, my internal workings, and work, I am definitely pretty perfectionistic.
Evan asked me last night how I have been enjoying the book and I told him it's a 99 out of 100. It has been amazing to read, and I can think of many women friends (it's entirely about and for women) who would enjoy it too. Although I'd love to hear the "Christ-perspective" offered in the book, it's a book offering a lot of grace and messiness to those of us who shun mess, aka "life." I could go on and on about how appropriate and helpful it's already been. Needless to say, if you're a woman, get it from the library (or buy it) and read it. I'm sure if you're not a perfectionist in at least one of the areas she discusses, you know many women who are. If you're a man, read it, because it will help you to understand women, particularly those in our society, much better. Enjoy!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Gerard Manley Hopkins 1
So, for anyone who hasn't heard or read Gerard Manley Hopkins, you're in for a treat. I heard of him a year or two ago and have been thoroughly enjoying a compilation of his works recently. He was a monastic who wrote poetry during the late 1800's and it's beautiful. He shows a lot of internal wrestling and depression in his poems, but God's love and grace shine through as well. He is now a well-known poet and I thought I'd pick out a poem (which seemed appropriate for this blog) to include here. This is not my favorite poem of his, but as I said, it seemed appropriate. Savor and Enjoy!
A Fragment of Anything You Like
FAIR, but of fairness as a vision dream'd;
Dry were her sad eyes that would fain have stream'd;
She stood before a light not hers, and seem'd
The lorn Moon, pale with piteous dismay,
Who rising late had miss'd her painful way
In wandering until broad light of day;
Then was discover'd in the pathless sky,
White-faced, as one in sad assay to fly
Who asks not life but only place to die.
A Fragment of Anything You Like
FAIR, but of fairness as a vision dream'd;
Dry were her sad eyes that would fain have stream'd;
She stood before a light not hers, and seem'd
The lorn Moon, pale with piteous dismay,
Who rising late had miss'd her painful way
In wandering until broad light of day;
Then was discover'd in the pathless sky,
White-faced, as one in sad assay to fly
Who asks not life but only place to die.
Monday, April 28, 2008
I can't keep myself from writing
It's almost two weeks since I started my blog and for the few who've viewed it, I've obviously not added anything. I have, of course, be quite swamped with work and other commitments on the weekends. However, it's not like it takes that long to make a post and besides, I decided to start a blog partially as a discipline toward writing. Actually, I have been writing, just not posting. I almost feel I can't help myself. The muse takes over...
Anyway, I continue to want to "fix" my heaps of poetry before I put it up on the blog but maybe those of you who read this will just get some of my "Poetry in progress" rather than the ones I'm completely satisfied with... Then again, I'm not really satisfied with a lot of it yet.
Cocoon
Wrapped in lengths of twine
from foot, up the whole body
to top of head with only
eyes peaking out,
absorbing external stimuli.
What no one can see is the
flailing, fighting,
constantly trying to break free.
After all, the cocoon is safe,
yet so restricting
one is unable
to break, and whenever one
relaxes, stops fighting and
flailing
the bonds tighten
even more, discouraging
further effort
Anyway, I continue to want to "fix" my heaps of poetry before I put it up on the blog but maybe those of you who read this will just get some of my "Poetry in progress" rather than the ones I'm completely satisfied with... Then again, I'm not really satisfied with a lot of it yet.
Cocoon
Wrapped in lengths of twine
from foot, up the whole body
to top of head with only
eyes peaking out,
absorbing external stimuli.
What no one can see is the
flailing, fighting,
constantly trying to break free.
After all, the cocoon is safe,
yet so restricting
one is unable
to break, and whenever one
relaxes, stops fighting and
flailing
the bonds tighten
even more, discouraging
further effort
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
My first blog post...
...how weird is that? i've given up, given in, am being sucked into the great writing world of poems and fairy tales. i feel such a vast array of emotions - happy, hopeful, expentant, worried, confused, the list goes on as you can imagine. Perhaps i should let it go and be caught up in the wild world of bloggery (if wild it is); that remains to be seen.
my first poetic fairy tale
The tiny girl holds pale silver-purple wisps
of whispers
in quiet hours, when all the wide world
fades into shadow.
Beautiful wisps of love and hope
spoken to one to another
rising like curling ribbons of steam
and float
where sweet dreams and embraces dwell
color and light, shimmering star-land.
We released our whispers,
so quickly forgotten
falling to dwell again in the land of shadows.
my first poetic fairy tale
The tiny girl holds pale silver-purple wisps
of whispers
in quiet hours, when all the wide world
fades into shadow.
Beautiful wisps of love and hope
spoken to one to another
rising like curling ribbons of steam
and float
where sweet dreams and embraces dwell
color and light, shimmering star-land.
We released our whispers,
so quickly forgotten
falling to dwell again in the land of shadows.
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